When I sat down to write this I wondered if it was too soon, too late, too much, or too little. There is really no right or wrong way to deal with death. Having a terminally ill parent while planning a wedding can be a huge concern.

Starting from the beginning, my fiancé proposed in October 2021 under the Northern Lights. As much as I love the story, you can read about it here. It was absolutely gorgeous, and if you’re ever interested in going to Alaska, you should check out this guide. It certainly is a world wonder. 

At the same time, my father was currently one year into battling Stage 4 Terminal Colorectal Cancer. Things were on the up and up at this point. His tumor marker was looking good and the doctor seemed pleased about how the treatment was going. My dad was moving around more than he had in the past year. My family was very hopeful.

So, Rob (that’s my fiancé) and I set off with our wedding plans. We really wanted a winter wedding, so we were aiming for sometime in January of 2023. After some extensive wedding venue searching we found our dream venue and settled on a February date in 2023. 

During our venue search, my dad had a really upsetting scan result which ended up with him back in the chemo chair after a 6-week break. Ugh. We were totally smushed, but still highly hopeful this was a minor setback. I think that’s a little positive note we picked up from him. He was always very good about making sure we saw the bright side of things, and that anything bad that came along was a blip in the path of life. 

Unfortunately, that scan dropped my dad’s life expectancy to one year. This was in February of 2022 and our wedding was in February of 2023. We had already put a deposit down when we found out this information. He was also very good about that too; making sure his situation wasn’t a hindrance to anyone else. 

After some long discussions, we decided to stick with our February wedding date and hope for the best. After all, miracles happen every day. My dad’s mindset was completely in the right area, so we were hopeful this would all work out. After all, he was always assuring me that he was going to be there, so I had no doubt in my mind. 

We trudged on with vendors and save the dates on our regular one year wedding timeline until March 31, 2022. This was when we got more bad news. Another round of tests were done and things dropped south quickly. The cancer was spreading everywhere; stomach, liver, lymph nodes, bones, you name it, it was there. His life expectancy was now 3-6 months. 

Ugh. 

We tossed around the idea of moving the date up to and maybe having a small ceremony. The more and more we talked about it we started thinking this could be a good idea for both of our families. Rob has some elderly family members that probably shouldn’t be walking around in the snow come February 2023. The last thing would need is a slip and fall from grandma to start the day off.

After some prayer, discussion, and strategy, we happily decided to move the date up so my dad could be there and the grandparents could come. Now, we had a month to plan a wedding. 

More on how to plan a wedding in a month here.

Related Article: How to Plan a Wedding in a Month

We were about eight days out when we received more bad news. Now, I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking it too. What else could possibly happen and why can’t we catch a break? Well, my dad’s kidneys were starting to fail, they were operating at about 10% with no real sustainable treatment options. The doctor said he wouldn’t make it through the week. 

After some tough conversations and realizations, Rob and I decided not to change anything. My dad was able to help plan this wedding, and have some input, and we wanted to honor that. The next couple of days were really tough though. It’s so hard seeing someone you love slip away before your eyes and you can’t do anything about it but be there for it. 

My father ended up passing away on the morning of our wedding. This wasn’t a surprise. We were mentally prepared for this to happen. Despite the fact that my dad was ill, and we knew his passing was inevitable, it didn’t make it any easier. However, the morning he passed there was a huge sense of relief throughout the whole house. There was no more pain, there was no more suffering, there was no more guilt. There was only peace.

It was a morning of sadness and happiness all mixed into one which I realized was a beautiful reminder that we are allowed to be happy and sad at the same time. So I wanted to take the time to remind all of you of that as well.

Our wedding was a day full of joy and family. Rob and I couldn’t ask for anything better. For how sad of a day this could have been, I know my dad was looking down and taking away any guilt we might have wanted to feel. 

This was the only way he could’ve been there. If he wasn’t limited by his physical body. If there was one thing his cancer restricted him from it was his ability to particoate, and now, he will never have to miss anything ever again. 

I’m sure I will have more on this as time goes on but for now, this is what I have and I hope to be a resource for others who are, unfortunately, going through something similar.