When Lizzo said, “It’s a me myself kind of attitude,” I felt that to the core during my single girl phase. However, some habits I acquired throughout that time I can now happily leave behind me. I’ll be the first one to tell you that being single is great, but not all of the single girl habits you have in that time have business being in your new relationship.
Moving out of my single girl independent only-looking-out-for-number-one phase has been a real brain bash for me. I had my own apartment, my own job, my own health insurance, my own car, my own student loans, and my own electric bill. As much of a pain as some of those things were, they were mine. I was 100% responsible for every aspect of my life. I decided what groceries I was getting for the week or if I had enough nickels to run together to go out on a Saturday night.
To some, that sounds like adulting, but to me, that sounds like independence. It took me a while to reach that point and I was so proud of myself when I finally got there. I recently moved in with my boyfriend and since then I realized there were some extreme single-girl habits that I needed to break…
Stop being so damn independent
I struggle between being a caretaker and inconveniencing others. Asking for help makes me feel vulnerable. “I can do it” or “I’ve got it covered” are my top phrases for the past couple of months. Yes, Jordan. You have made that clear you can handle it, however, you have another person who is willing to help you out with anything. This relationship is 50/50 in all aspects. Let the man make lunch for you or help you with the laundry.
Checking In
I’m not used to sharing my schedule with someone else. Checking in? That’s for relationships with no trust and short leashes.
Him: When will you be home?
Me: ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Mmm, not going to fly anymore!
Checking in isn’t just about sharing your whereabouts, it’s about asking someone how their day went. Apparently, that shows you care about their life. *insert shrug emoji* Clearly, I had no idea! It has been so long since I lived with another person that I didn’t know to follow through with these motions. It didn’t even dawn on me that I should be asking these
questions. This habit still requires some practice, but I’ve grown accustomed to checking in. It’s really just about sharing your day with a person — the person you call when something great happens and the person you lean on when it’s not so great.
It’s not my place, it’s our place
I loved being able to decorate my apartment with my own things in my own way. I had 100% say in what was displayed and what was hidden away. By no means is my boyfriend dictating in this aspect. He will let me put
anything up anywhere, so it’s not like I have a lack of freedom, it is more so an inclusive thing. I have to be considerate of what he wants on display as well as what I want. I have to factor in any opinions he may have on something we put together because this is his space too
On the flip side, to this day, I still say, “I’m on my way to Rob’s house,” even though I LIVE THERE TOO. I struggle with calling it home because I have inserted myself into this home that he has built up. Until about three months ago, “home” was my apartment with my rug, my craigslist couch, my kitchen with my light that constantly flickered, my shower, and my balcony.
Break Up with Your Regularly Scheduled Habits
Things may not be tailored to my schedule and I need to be okay with that. We made this move so we could see each other more. Our schedules are opposite, so obtaining those extra 15 minutes in the evening or in the morning is something I have to be really mindful about. I know at the
end of the day I just want to sit down and watch Say Yes, to the Dress, but
instead, I want my happy relationship more than TLC.
Your relationship isn’t asking you to change who you are, but it is you simply allowing yourself to remove some toxic single girl habits in order for you to see your relationship flourish. Stay true to yourself no matter what your relationship status is; however, figuring out how to grasp that independence while living with someone you can depend can be a whirlwind of a ride!
What single girl habits do you need to drop? Or would you like to be better at it? Let’s girl talk in the comments below!
4 Responses
These are such good points! It's crazy how independent you become in your 20's and may not realize it until you're living with someone!
Caitlin
LemonadePressBlog.com
Great post…! I was definitely the classic super independent girl… I won't say single because I found myself in a bunch of long distance relationships hahaha but still felt as if I were single! Now it's been almost a year of living with the boyfriend and a lot of adjustments had to be made, especially in the past few months as we went from a 2 bedder in Singapore to a studio in NYC. LOOOOOLLL
Such a fun read! Its been a really long time since I've been a single girl but I still think we all need these reminders some times when we live with someone else.
Great points. It was so difficult for me to figure out how to "get it all done" and how to spend the weekend, etc. when I first started living on my own. And now it's so habitual I don't think it'd be easy to change. And I genuinely wonder how people with kids get anything done at all–recently spent several weeks with my nieces and they were CONSTANTLY ON. I lost all the time that I regularly spend reading or watching Netflix.