Online dating is exhausting. I think we can all attest to that. It’s a constant game where we don’t know if the end result will be a ghosting situation or marriage. Those are two very well known extremes that can wear a person down.

Everyone’s relationship is different but I think we can all agree that stages are all pretty similar. For example, we have the meeting stage and the talking, get-to-know-me stage. Those two stages are critical in defining your relationship with this person. After the get-to-know-each-other stage is complete, you are now entering zones. Will you place each other in the friend zone, or the dating zone. *haults* I’m going to stop you right there because with modern online dating, there is a caveat to this arena and its that there is another stage developing.

The Pen Pal stage.

This is the stage where you match online, start talking, make a plan to meet up and then something comes up. EVERY. TIME. Their dog got sick, or their sister came into town. There is always an excuse.

Normally, we can let it slide the first time, but if it happens time and time again. That person has become a digital pen pal. Cancel this subscription, because we are over those issues. This person has now been marked undateable in our book.

Eventually, you realize there is nothing you can do about someone who will legitimately not leave their house to meet up. Thus, creating the Pen Pal effect.

This is almost more annoying than ghosting. At least with ghosting, the conversation just stops, but with the Pen Pal zone, you’re in a constant state of “mini hope” that you might hang out. 

This is why online dating is so hard. Yes, it gets you to talk to people outside of your usual crowd, but it won’t go anywhere if one party isn’t willing to put themselves out there. Physically. Literally.

How do you get someone to meet up with you that you met online?

I think you’re thinking this is probably where I’m supposed to offer you a solution to this problem, well, I wouldn’t say its fool-proof but it might be a step in the right direction. 

After the first, second and third excuses are dropped, and for some reason, you think this person has something special to offer that you just HAVE to find out, maybe suggest a virtual date. I know, you’re pretty much already on one, with the online messaging and all, but then you both don’t have to leave the comfort of your own home and can still get to know each other. 

Plus, this hint of human connection might get the other party to feel more invested and not be so quick to jump at any excuse to not leave their house. 

This is the only time I would suggest a movie for a first date (comedies are a great starter). Watch a movie together via Facetime, or even just on the phone. Share your commentary and get a sense of each others humor. 

This virtual date is ideal because you can pick up your favorite bottle of wine or drink of choice, they can pick up theirs. All you need is a stable internet connection.

Otherwise, my other suggestion would be to pull out the crazy and call them out. Slyly, of course. If they say their dog is sick, tell them how you are a dog sickness expert because you’ve seen your dog go through some tough times. Or if their sister is in town, tell the pen pal that she should go out and see the town, and to be sure to send a picture *winky face*. Talk them into sending a photo of their excuse of the night.

Anyways, I just want you to know that I am here for you. If you need a good rant about your penpal, Please reach out to me. I often give out unsolicited advice, but sometimes I hit the nail on the head with it. Cheers to dating in the 21st century.

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px ‘Helvetica Neue’; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000} span.s1 {font-kerning: none} p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px ‘Helvetica Neue’; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000} span.s1 {font-kerning: none}